I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
