Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
