We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
