I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
