remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
