Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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