His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the day after is always just damage control
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
