Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
