so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
