Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
