pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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