He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
two words...techno handjob
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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