hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
