And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
