I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
