Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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