The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
