What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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