I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
