Can i not drive my cunt home
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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