She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
