So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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