You can't special order awesome
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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