"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
smell my finger.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
