I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
