How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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