I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
