dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
