Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
