I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
