well I can't set my house on fire every night
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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