There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
