Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
