He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
