Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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