no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
