We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
