at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
