omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
