I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
