i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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