just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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