Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
