My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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