i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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