I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
