oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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