I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
