I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
