so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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