after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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