the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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