I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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