Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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